Your guide to a
new direction in life

Lillie Lee, LCSW

 Feelings: Good or Bad?

Why do you have feelings?  Do they serve a purpose? People like to feel at peace, excited or joyful.  These are feelings we label as good or positive. Conversely, when we feel anger, pain or fear, we label this as negative or bad.  Feelings connect us to our heart and help us know ourselves. They let us know how we are doing and what we need.  Feelings give direction to our purpose.  Without them we could not feel connected to others or ourselves.  Without them we could not love or be loved or have compassion. Feelings create our aliveness or our deadness.

There is no such thing as a “bad” feeling as all feeling is helpful when understood. Feelings are just feelings. What we do with our feelings can enhance our lives or cause problems. Small children generally are very clean with their feelings. They express upset then move on to joy or play. As children we learn to hold feelings in and go numb when we are punished for expressing feelings or when we experience trauma. We take in that certain feelings are not ok.

Feelings give us ongoing feedback about what we are experiencing.  When you feel hurt it is because you’ve been hurt.  When you learn to think through your feelings you can respond to them in comforting supportive ways. For example, fear is a call to action to create safety.  This may mean walking a different route or leaving a light on so you can see in the dark. Accepting feelings allows options for determining what one needs.

Anger if expressed in a clean clear way invites connection and intimacy. If left unexpressed it can build walls and cause harm. Held in and repressed, feelings cause muscle tension and tissue damage.  Research has shown that unexpressed feelings are the root of numerous diseases.  Feelings, which are not expressed, can intensify and overwhelm us setting the stage for an explosion. We can only take so much internal pressure. When feelings are expressed in clear clean ways they lose their control of us and become manageable - it’s almost magical.

If you feel angry it is because you have been hurt or feel afraid or both. Getting in touch and expressing the feelings causing the anger is important to managing it.

To be alive in body means you have feelings.  To think your feelings or others feelings are not OK is the same as saying who you are is not OK. When one shuts down pain, fear or anger the capacity for joy is decreased. Learning to love yourself no matter what you are feeling allows for growth toward health, vitality, joy and love.

Self-acceptance or having high self-esteem means loving yourself and all your feelings and being able to express them.  It means learning to handle feelings in a positive, clear clean way. Are you willing to allow all of life to flow through you?  This means embracing your feelings and learning to express them in non-harmful ways.

Say yes to life! Lillie Lee is a licensed clinical social worker providing counseling for individuals and couples.  Contact her for information regarding upcoming self-esteem classes and anger management classes.

For more information, contact Lillie Lee

Home Page






About Me

Just for Fun